Happy Birthday Kelly!

Today is my youngest sisters birthday! Hope she has a wild and crazy time!

This picture was taken on a recent family outing. That serpent around her neck was evil and caused her big brother to scream and run inside and soil his britches. Guess she thought she was doing the "Brittany-Spears-with-the-snake-around-her-neck" type of thing. Keep trying Kelly.

Yea, Kelly likes to smell toes. When she was a little girl, she would crawl up to people and clean between their toes. We had to keep a leash on her at church so she wouldn't crawl up to the fat lady playing the organ and try to clean the toes that the fat lady hadn't seen in years. I'm just kidding. We didn't put her on a leash...we duct-taped her to the pew.

Here is Kelly and her 3 boys...husband Travis being one of them. She can sure pop out some cute kids! Cute kids with the cleanest feet ever.

Kelly always had really long hair growing up. It was past her butt and her "hair-stylist-not-yet-gay" brother loved brushing it and styling it. I would do side ponytails, do this weird wrap thing to make it look short, and put braids all over her head...that type of thing. We decided to apply some make-up one day to complete the make-over transformation. (Notice how I say "we"...makes me not totally at fault) Well, I couldn't find Moms Estee Lauder or Clinique, so I improvised. I used markers from a marker set I had gotten for Christmas. Kelly had the prettiest shade of blue eyelids that smelled like blueberries! And I think it lasted for a couple of days. Mom didn't think the transformation was too good, and I lost my markers. Kelly didn't care, but then again, she wasn't old enough to really start talking.

So, for her birthday this year, I am considering buying a big ol' box of Sharpee markers in various colors (I don't know if she is a Fall or Spring on the color-wheel) and some toe-nail clippers. Aren't I just the best older brother a girl could be stuck with?

Happy Birthday Kelly! I love you and your shiney feet. And for old times sake, I'll braid what is left of your hair and let you wash my feet. No need to express how much I am your favorite older brother...I already know.

Shut up! I've been busy...

I've been just a little busy. So stop calling me harrassing me to update my blog. Please stop holding candle-light vigils on my front porch begging me to post something. And if I see another "Whatever happened to Michael updating his blog" bumper-sticker, I am going to scream!

I took a couple days vacation and decided to do some projects around the house. Plus, I couldn't think of any "confessions" stories from my childhood that would make my mother take a nerve pill, call a therapist and ask "now where did I go wrong?" Suppose I could tell the story of the wild party that we had at the rental home in Hurst where our elderly couple next door saw a girl streaking across their yard. No...I'll save that until after I get my Christmas present from Mom and Dad.

Remember me mentioning that Michael TOM and I had certain "feelings" about a new refrigerator. Well, I said absolutely not. No way in hell am I going to charge up a new refrigerator. I am putting my foot down! No, Michael TOM, we are not getting a new refrigerator until the other one completely dies.

Here is our new refrigerator:
I guess I can be a pushover every once in a while. But ain't it purdy? Only will cost $18 a month for the next 48 years. Great deal!!!

We have these bushes that grow along the side of our home, along the side that we never look at, so those bushes get freaky ugly when they don't get a good trim. Well, I've been wanting to cut those ugly bushes to the ground. They look like retarded dusty green butts sticking out of the ground. And the new growth on them grow out like hair plugs. Okay, now you've got the image of a retarded dusty green butt with hair plugs in your mental image. Imagine having to live with it every day on the side of your home! Michael TOM doesn't want to cut our growing butts down, but "try" to trim our butt bushes better. Little does he know I am borrowing a chainsaw from a friend of ours and the local landfill will be blessed with a heap of dusty butt bushes on my next vacation! Now, don't worry...there will be a post with pictures of the "Death of the Dusty Butt Bushes", but until then, I just want ya'll to keep that disturbing mental image you have right now.

I decided to also finish a project I started back in June. We thought that our "plain white doors" on the interior of our home just didn't have enough pizazz...pop...gayness to it, if you will. So, we went off to Home Depot and bought some trim to line the inside of the doors in. I took a picture of one of the doors to help show ya'll what exactly gay thing we did to it.

The door will eventually be painted all white after the wood trim gets primed. Which, knowing how fast I work, won't be done until around Thanksgiving when Michael TOM threatens to leave me if I don't finally finish the doors.

Oh, and UL wanted to see a picture of a "finished project" that Michael TOM and I did. Here is a picture of our new french door once everything got painted: We absolutely love our new door! Painting around it in the brown color of the wall was not fun. I choose to blame Michael TOM for us not keeping a little bit of the paint when we originally painted the wall. It's also going to be his fault that we didn't write down the name "Sherwin Williams" called it. (Do you know exactly how many freakin' shades of brown there are?) Long story short...we ended up having to paint the entire wall. Their "custom color matching" is a load of crap. The touch-ups stuck out like a prostitute in a sea of church ladies!

Suppose I better get this post finished. Got to go turn the hose on a couple of people outside holding a candle-light vigil and chanting "Post A Blog Update"...

Oh, and Mom if you are worried about the girl streakin' across the neighbors yard, I told my sister I would never tell on her. NEVER!