Why I dislike this picture...

Ever have one of those pictures that you thought, "Oh, let's try this pose. It'll be so cool."


And then you see the picture after it is taken, and think, "Now I see why Tyra Banks isn't requesting my presence on her "America's Next Top Model"...


I nearly screamed at the size of my belly. And love handles. And this "Thinking Man" pose looks more like "Bored Man Taking A Poop On A Rock" or something equally as gross. Now, I know I'm not chunky or whatever, but look at how this pose just makes everything look so...I don't know...out there. Thank God I was never brave enough to pursue nude modeling. (shudder, shudder)


Back when I was in college I was approached by a girl we will call Sharon (not to protect the innocent, but I just don't remember what the hell her name is) who was a photography student and wanted to take some pictures of me. In exchange, Sharon would let me have all the pictures I wanted of the "photo session."

We went to the Las Colinas Riverwalk and I struck all these insane poses she asked me to do. I decided to try my hand at directing and told Sharon some poses I wanted to do. I would be in this old-timey photo booth and be talking on the phone. Since I was modeling for free, she went ahead and let me have my moment of glory.


A couple of days later we met at a Denny's restaurant to go over the pictures. Waiting patiently for Sharon, I sipped my coffee and by the time she showed up with the pictures, the waitress placed the cherry cheesecake in front of me. We looked at the poses of me on the stone bridge, the pier with my back to the camera and hand in the back pocket of my Silver Tab Jeans, me laughing at some old lady who slipped on the slick pavement...stuff like that. And then came the pictures that I chose the poses for.


First one, my eyes were shut. Next, it looked like I was sticking the quarter up my nose. The others looked as though I was held down and stink bait was rubbed under my nose. But the most horrible Sharon saved for last.

I saw the bald spot on the top of my head. I was in the phone booth and had bent down to pick up the quarter that I dropped. My white shirt was wet with sweat. And I looked like I had a killer wedgie.

But I saw the bald spot.

I didn't eat the cherry cheesecake. I asked Sharon to burn the negative. I also swore off directing my posing. I called Dad for some Rogaine. I also started collecting hats.

Think I would have learned not to try to model...